Monday, April 22, 2013

What are YOUR kids doing on line?



I have noticed a growing trend lately, particularily among young girls - both teens and young adults.  There are so many of them posting "self-portraits"...copious amounts, in fact.  It's one thing to post pictures of yourself with friends and family, or to have pictures that other people have taken , posted and tagged you in, but to constantly be posing and taking your OWN picture is more than a little narcissistic.

  At first I wrote it off as plain old self-centeredness and conceit (even the ridiculous "duck-lips" pictures; does anyone actually think that those are nice looking pictures? really???)

Then I started really thinking about some of these girls, and how sorry their lives are.  Seriously, not being sarcastic here.  There is obviously a lack of parental guidance in their lives. What caring, responsible parent would not SAY something to their daughter about this blatent self-promotion?  What is lacking in these girls' lives that they feel the need for constant affirmation (because of course their dutiful friends will automatically comment favorably on these pictures) from others?  What kind of adults will these girls grow up to be, and how will it affect our world?

With girls continuing to objectify themselves, is it any wonder that women continue to be objectified as a whole?  How can we complain about this when we sit back and LET this happen?  I once tried to say something to a friend about her daughter's postings.  I casually asked her if she was on Facebook, or if she ever checked her kids' profiles (her daughter was 14 at the time).  I was as tactful as possible, and while I certainly never voiced this, I was thinking that maybe she might appreciate a "heads up" from a friend, rather than get into a messy, embarassing and potentially dangerous situation later (they were "those types" of pictures).  That friend no longer speaks to me.  And the girl's pictures were not taken down.  

One other time, I mentioned again as tactfully as possible to a different friend a concern about her daughter's pictures and postings (I mentioned nothing specific, just that "sometimes it's a good idea to keep "on top" of what your kids are doing online).  She dismissed it, saying that "they'll do what they want anyway".  Needless to say,  I didn't bring it up again.

I have had a couple of calls in about things my kids have posted in the past (never pictures).  I was/am grateful that someone else out there holds standards for my children too.  The issues were immediately dealt with, and it gave impetus for discussion about internet dangers and how what we post can be seen by anyone.  We need to remind our children, regardless of their ages, that what they post DOES impact how people will see them; employers, teachers, family friends, and parents of their friends.   They may not like it, but that's life.  Seeing conversations and pictures about how drunk you got this past weekend just doesn't do much for your reputation.  Neither does posting trashy pictures of yourself.  We actually DON'T want to see your boob shots, girls.  And the boys that you're posting these for ARE NOT the types of guys you want to eventually marry, nor are you the type of girl any mother would want her son to marry, as far as that goes...

But back to my original topic....it's so sad to see these young girls that are so completely self-obsessed and self-absorbed. It's scary to think that these will be the parents of the next generation, the generation that supposedly will "take care of us" in our old age.  The attitude of  "I don't give a damn about what anyone thinks" isn't going to serve these kids well in the real world.

What can we do? As parents, do we not have a responsibility and an obligation to guide our children, to teach them to think of others?  Are we too late?



Tuesday, April 02, 2013

Just a little venting....

It has been SUCH a long time since I've last blogged.  I've thought about it a lot, made myself a multitude of promises, including blogging instead of "facebooking" for Lent (yeah, THAT lasted a day!), and have visited some of my favorite bloggers just to read their posts, at least.
There has actually been so much that I wanted to talk/vent about, too, especially considering FB is not always the best place to do so.  This is a better avenue, because not very many people see this (apparently it's not automatically connected to FB anymore?? Which I guess defeats my purpose, sometimes.... lol)
I like the idea of having a good place to keep track of some of my ideas and musings, and as I mentioned, it is a great place to vent.

So what has been the catalyst to "bring me back" to blogging??
I just finished reading the article on my msn homepage about the "high cost of raising kids today"  (don't know WHY I bothered to read it; we have 6 kids already...lol)
Very soon my thoughts went from "this is ridiculous" to "People actually DO this ?!?!; how STUPID are you!??!?"....$235,000 to raise ONE child from birth to age 17??
Well, first off, instead of paying $33,000 a year to put your 1 year old in DAYCARE (that's more than a good university costs for a year), why don't you STAY HOME and take care of your baby?) And does your child REALLY need Spanish lessons and swimming lessons at age 2? Really?? But I guess because this mom only spends $8,400 on daycare for her 2 year old, she feels she's getting a bargain and now has all that extra money to spend on the lessons....
Apparently it costs almost $15,000 a year to put a 3 year old in preschool. What exactly are they LEARNING there??  Hmmm....and does your 5 year old REALLY need  ballet, swimming, gymnastics, music, chess and horseback riding lessons EVERY MONTH?  When is there time to just "be a kid"???? What ever happened to PLAYING outside, or gong to a park?? THEY'RE FREE, people.
Your 11 year old son needs weekly therapy sessions at $185 per because of his difficulty with organizing and memory? Maybe it's because he had EVERY  freaking minute he was awake organized FOR him since he was born!
And your 4 year old throwing temper tantrums because she doesn't get to go to ballet, and ANNOUNCING to other people that "I can't take ballet because my mom ran out of money and it's not FAIR" just shows how spoiled your daughter IS.

I sincerely think that the problem with so many kids today is that they aren't expected to be able to entertain themselves... EVER.  If your child doesn't have their own t.v., ipad, computer and every type of lesson imaginable, you apparently aren't a good parent. Wow.  Kids need to learn to BE a kid.  To play quietly BY themselves sometimes.  To SHARE their toys with siblings and friends.  TO be expected to have manners. To be able to WAIT, be it for a treat, to go somewhere or to watch a tv show. 
The world we live in has given us this "must have IMMEDIATE gratification" mentality, and it is destroying our families and our society. Kids are constantly texting each other, and are thrown into depression if their messages are not answered IMMEDIATELY; they wonder what they've "done wrong" or why they're "being ignored", especially if it's involving the opposite sex.  It's difficult to have a conversation with someone without them checking their phones every few minutes, because they're "having conversations" with other people.  So many people don't seem to recognize how incredibly RUDE this is!
 My 11 year old comes home from her school telling me about "all the other kids" that already have their own cell phones (no, she doesn't want one; she was asking WHY do they need one!). I know of a child that never gets to go to any friends' birthday parties or even just to "hang out" because she takes so many different dance and sports lessons every week. This child is missing out on learning about developing friendships and relationships! I hear about pre-school age kids having t.v.s in their bedrooms, their OWN computers and computer games.  These kids "have it all", except for a mother and a father willing to spend TIME with their children. Then these parents wonder why their child doesn't listen to them about anything. 

So many people buy into this crap; they feel they "MUST work" to "provide" for their families, or that they can only have 1 child, because after all, it is SO EXPENSIVE..... well, when you put material possessions and wealth before your family, your family is the one that loses out. We only have one vehicle. We only have one t.v. My kids have never been to Disney land, or Mexico, or a cruise, or anything else that involves spending thousands of dollars. And unless we WIN the lottery (hard to do when you never buy tickets!), they won't get there with us footing the bill.  BUT...we go camping as family every summer; we go to the park; to wading pools with the little ones; we play games, go bike riding, hang out, barbeque in the backyard, watch movies and do COUNTLESS other activities with our kids that cost very little or no money at all. We garden. We read. We have friends over. We have also found ways to put our kids in sports activities through subsidized programmes. It's really not that, hard!!  Our 6 kids (ages 4-17) all feel a very strong connection to each other, to their extended family and to the Church.  They ALREADY talk about the great memories they have of growing up, and of what they will have as adults, and what they want for THEIR children.

 I realize that there are exceptions; that some single parents (especially the mothers) MUST work.  But the decline of society is steadily increasing withe the attitude of accepting of casual sexual relationships, the absence of a good father in the household, and the lack of willingness to WORK on marriages. 

  Having children can be costly, yes, but there are no words that can do justice to the incredible feelings of love, pride, joy, and "completeness" that having children can give.  It is sad that our society does so much to discourage the acceptance of children, when children are the very lifeline OF our society.  I saw a quote somewhere once (and I can't remember who said it)...."The best gift you can give your child is a brother or sister."  I firmly believe that the best gift we can give to our world is children who know the value of a strong, stable family.