One of my New Year's Resolutions is to restart my blog.  I have always enjoyed writing, and even in junior high and high school had hoped to be a writer one day. One of my teachers had even commented in my year book about "seeing me published one day".  I have had a few things published as articles and commentaries over the years, including as a feature post on a pro-life brochure a few years back.  Of course, time and family commitments got in the way, and writing soon became something to set on the backburner, as a hobby, as a dream for "one day".
This past year being able to start (well, plot and outline, anyway!)a novel, sporadically blog about family and life issues, as well as dedicating more time than I should have at fan-fiction has shown me that yes, I CAN make time to do this.  A twitter post led me to a wonderful site that also encouraged me to set goals, make and most importantly work to KEEP my resolutions (thank you CA Coaching!)

I have made the commitment to complete my 2 main writing projects this year, one of which will be helped immensely by my keeping up with the parenting/life portion of my blog.  So without further ado, I begin....


The other day an incident occurred in our home that caused me to reflect that what we say to our children and how we handle outbursts can have a profound effect on them. 

Our older daughter Rachel was helping our 4 year old Victoria get ready for bed; getting her into her new pajamas ("onesies") that she had just gotten for Christmas, and had been absolutely thrilled about. I was downstairs in the kitchen when the arguing broke out, very quickly followed by tears and an increasingly loud wailing.  I waited for a few minutes to give Rachel the chance to handle the situation. (It is important for children to develop the skill to manage problems without parents stepping in for every little thing).  Soon enough, a very frustrated Rachel stormed into the kitchen with a VERY upset Victoria in tow, tears streaming down her little face.  Apparently, Victoria no longer wanted to wear her pajamas that she had previously been so enamoured with, and Rachel was trying very hard to convince her to keep them on.

After reassuring Rachel that everything was okay and thanking her for trying, I turned to Victoria to find out what the problem was. When Victoria had first put on the new pajamas, they sparked a little from the static, so Rachel explained to her that it was just "static electricity".  "But Mummy," Victoria tearfully interjected,  "electricity can start FIRES! And I don't want to catch on fire!"

And that's when the light bulb went off for me.  Just last week, we had to have a conversation with Victoria, explaining that she was not allowed to plug in the extension cord for the Christmas tree, due to ELECTRICITY being dangerous and that it wasn't something to play with, as it could START A FIRE.

Wow. 

Very good lesson for me as a parent, to remember that everything I say DOES in fact, stay with my children, no matter what I think they hear or choose to not hear.  Little things I say to them in passing are taken to heart, pondered and internalized. This is how they learn, good or bad, about the world around them.  It also provided a teachable moment for Rachel, demonstrating that we need to stop and find out why little ones get upset; temper tantrums rarely happen without a very good reason. As parents or caregivers, we must remember to take a moment, LISTEN to our child and try to find out what the problem is.

 This is something that sometimes can be difficult to remember, particularly when we are in public, but it is VITAL that communication goes both ways when dealing with children.  They are deserving of our respect and time no differently than what we would like to expect from another adult.  If we want our children to grow up to be caring individuals then we need to role-model these qualities for them.  It may take some practice and testing of our patience, but as parents we need to stop, take a breath, and FIRST and foremost let our children know that we love them and are there for them. They need to feel secure and safe in our presence, and only then can they develop the ability to feel secure in handing their own emotions. It takes time to do this, and sometimes we all need a reminder, but the end results will be so worth it!